Mid of 2019

Oh well, I am back blogging after a long time away! And exactly how long has it been? 3 years? Yeah I guess it’s something like that.

So many things that has happened changed me over the past few years. Medical problems, family squabbles but most life changing event is the fact that I lost my Dad to colon cancer earlier this year.

Initially I was so ready to letting him go, but now that he is really gone, I’ve missed him. There’s an empty void within my old self that simply can’t be filled nor ever be replaced. My father did not leave behind a good legacy. I came from a broken family whereby the relationship between my parents should never have happened. For many years, I am an outcast among my step siblings because I was born of their father’s mistress. I’ve never felt loved and everyone at home is either arguing, fighting, taking care of themselves or hated me. I’ve never really understand my role or purpose in my life until I gave my life to Christ. My Dad has a peaceful countenance when he passes on, and almost a smile on his face and my heart is comforted and in peace to know that he is in heaven because he has said his sinner’s prayers and admitted to God that he is wrong and seek forgiveness from Him even though he may not have lived a radically changed Christian life.

Despite all the happenings, I was inspired to write a poem about my step-siblings. I’ve never had any close personal relationship with any of them and I choose to forgive them for the way they treated me during those times. Yes, I am an outcast but I am glad that God accepted me into His family and that’s all that matters.

A Poem

Forgive Them for They Do Not Know
That there is a God
That there is a Father above that is taking care of their father below,
That their last acts of filial duties will not change what is gone,
That their father is at peaceful rest,
That He knew all their pasts and plans for future,
That He alone is good,
That has blessed them with everything good and bountiful,
That He wants to draw them back to His side,
That there is a fixed time for them to meet Him (their Creator),
That He is awaiting for their change of hearts and safe returns too

I am worried about my relationship with my Mom now that she is getting older, because the older she gets the more we can’t seem to get along. And that’s what worries me, the fact that I can never really reconcile with my Mom despite all my perseverance.

All I can do is to pray for God to give me more grace and patience and to grant her mercies so that she will not be in pain and will be in peace when it’s time for her to leave as well.